Fkin nabs in AVs the worst cos u like tel them wut to do at the start in teh cave like FFS BUFF and TABLE NOW n they stand there liek tards jus DUH I DONT NO WERE THE TABLE BUTTON IS. wich is y we loose.

This one tiem I wus omw to Vandross cos pros dont fkin defend YEAH I LIEK 2 HOUR AVS not so Im zergin pretty much on my own every1 else is fitin in middel rofl liek they can only kill allies if theres 20 of them cos they arent the Pwnlock tho they obvously wish they was lol who doesnt lol?

N anyway Im at the SP bridge n most ppl cap SP but most ppl need to rez so I dont bother n Im ridin over n the archers r firin away but u cant dent teh PWN’s 21k hp wif ur little arows Ive got liek korium skin or wuteva n they all bounce off pretty much n I keep on ridin n get to aid station n liek I dont need to cap that either cos liek I said i cant b killed but those DUMBASS fkin midgits dont no that so their all in mi face all 4 of them at the gy. yer wutever the pwnlocks gonna make u regret eatin those curnflaks this mornin u shudda stayd in bed cos SEED OF CORRUPTION TAB SEED OF CORRUPTION TAB SEED OF CORRUPTION TAB SHADOWBURN KILLING BLOWKILLINGBLOWKILINGBLWOKILINGBLO roflsk8s. nite nite nubbers.

i fkin eat for a bit not cos i need teh hp Im still at about 23k but I liek the animatons on it it luks pro n I haf a drink too for teh same reason. then I run into Vandross’s house n obvusly hes still got those 6 buddys cos noone got tiem to cap teh bunkers. i get up north ultra fast they alwasys say OMG HAX??? n Im liek yer I hax at LIFE not at a fkin GAME get a gf u loosers.

(I haf ten gfs).

N if it was other nubs here itd be all LF TANK GET HEELERS PLAZ DONT RUN OUT liek fkin wite noise n i cant be bovved wif that so I jus point my finga at Vandross n say “uve got a daet with teh PWNLOCK” n then its all SOUL FIRE SEED OF CORRUPTION CURSE OF DOOM IMMOLATE SIPHON LIFE UNSTABLE AFFLICTION LIFE DRAIN n all these fkin 9 guys is wailin on me n I fink there was maybe 3 SCUM ally rouges too but Im just liek LIFE DRAIN rofl LIFE DRAIN lmao LIFE DRAIN spit n my helf jus goes up n up liek a roflcopter n tehn BOOM curse of doom hits n Vandross is ded n every1s liek OMG TY 4 TEH HONOR PWNLOCK WE WAS STILL WIPIN ON BULINDRO n Im liek no problem its jus how teh pwnlock rolls.

Thats jus how I roll bitchs.

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In 1974, Prince Chandra Bartholomew of India fell in love with a servant girl named Lita. The pair embarked upon an intense and passionate love affair away from the public eye, but after just three months Lita fell pregnant. Anxious to protect his family from scandal, the prince ordered his beloved into exile. She fled into the mountains, her only possessions the clothes on her back and her only solace a broken heart and the promise of a child.

For seven months Lita subsisted on scavenged meat and determination, until, on Christmas Day, the baby came. Frail and wizened, her body traumatised, she gave birth then finally conceded defeat to the cold, clutching tightly to the infant in her arms as her breath began to fail. And she wept as she died - for the boy was a monster.

Three weeks passed. Lita had begun to decompose and her nameless son lay dead beside her. But something lived. What the weak servant girl had believed to be deformity was something more unsettling still. It was the child’s twin, fused to the side of its head, a mass of scabbed flesh with one solitary eye and a mouth like a gaping wound. It blinked and it wheezed and, in the darkness, it fed on its brother.

It was almost Spring when Professor Faizal Singh discovered the bodies. An expert in robotics, his controversial experiments on criminals had forced him to conduct his strange science in secret. When he set out that morning for a trek across the mountains, he could never have expected the sight that would greet him.

The eye met his gaze and blinked. Professor Singh shivered, a deep jolt of revulsion coursing down his spine before he picked up the young corpse and placed it into his knapsack.

Back at his laboratory, the scientist separated the mutant from the rotting cadaver of its twin. His work had anaesthetised his mind to human pain, but as this thing contorted its misshapen mouth in agony, he felt nothing but dread. And all the while it watched him, its lone eye blinking.

It was another five months before the creature could survive without life support, and six months again before he considered it strong enough to carry out his plan. For, crafting day and night in his workshop, Professor Singh had been creating a torso and limbs of pure steel. Towering at three metres tall, this robotic behemoth would give an incredible gift to the fierce little monster which had so far known only suffering. It would give him a body, make him almost human.

The Professor carefully placed the mutant within its metal cradle. He tried to ignore the eye gazing into his as he stitched wires underneath its skin, linking whatever kind of brain it had with the CPU of the robot.

Blink. Blink. Blink. It was finished. He stepped back to the wall, threw the switch, and up it rose.

A huge metal hand encased the Professor’s skull. The eye fixed his and the ugly mouth curled into an approximation of a smile, then the hand closed with a sickening pop and Singh dropped, decapitated, to the floor.

The deafening roar of steel on stone filled the laboratory as it was torn to pieces. Decades of work smashed by fearsome metallic hands then silence, followed by slow, crunching footsteps and the sound of a wooden wall shattering as the monster stepped at long last into the daylight and looked towards the valley below.

He would have his revenge. He would claim his throne. Milkman blinked his eye and lurched forward.

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Whether you hate Mageoffrost or just strongly dislike him, there’s no escaping the fact that he’s an idiot. Inside the subnormal workings of his young mind, his vast unpopularity doubtless manifests itself as some kind of ticket to recognition. But infamy is not stardom, and anger is not acceptance. And nor is the uniqueness and validity he will feel his forum activity grants actually warranted - on the contrary, Mageoffrost is one of a long and much loathed line of despicable enemies of the AQ community’s rational minority. It’s a shame, because there’s probably a nice kid crying for help underneath all that denial. If nothing else, his mother probably loves him. That should be a comfort.

Let’s see what he has to say for himself.

A classic witticism. First, point out the target is low in levels - a clear sign of an inadequate IQ. Next, refer to brain cells, to hammer the point home. Finally, completely bungle the sentence so it makes no sense.
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One of the key rules of sarcasm is to let the sarcasm do the talking. Pointing out afterwards that you were making use of sarcasm takes the sting out of it slightly. As does writing like a dyslexic with attention deficit disorder.
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Nobody is safe from the Mageoffrost’s ban stick. Dare to insult him and he will not flinch from telling the bigger kids that someone’s picking on him. In this way he’s very much like Judge Dredd.
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This is what’s known in the world of human communication as a “joke”. Here Mageoffrost accuses a fellow poster, Escar, of writing an above average number of words on the AQ forums. He does this by telling Escar that, were he to write a book, it would be the heaviest book the world had ever seen. This is funny. You can apply the joke structure to situations you encounter in real life to become popular. For example: “Why grandma, you’ve been cooking for hours today. I suspect the resulting meal will be the largest meal in the history of the universe. Now let’s enjoy a laugh together at my excellent joke.”
———-

That’s a good idea. We could take it one step further by having all the NPCs wear backwards baseball caps and give you tokens if you beat them to a dance off. There could be one called “DJ Cool” and he’d have a ghetto blaster and travel round on a skateboard. And another NPC could be all grizzled because he’d gone to prison for buying gold, and he could tell you the dangers of going down the road he took, and show you his scars. And they could have dead Chinese people strung up on poles too.
———-

There’s plenty more where these came from. About 20 fresh turds are added to his personal output shitpile by the day. So help us.

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Hi guys! It’s Barry here, with my World of Warcraft blog. I hope you can “bee” bothered to read it!!!

Today I began a new man in World of Warcraft, called a “tauren.” I know what you’re thinking: “Why did you do that when Barrythebee was already level 16?” Well, there’s just one reason: Mulgore. It’s beautiful, so full of trees and grasses and hopefully flowers, and these taurens are allowed to play there from the very start. So I deleted my warrior and made a new one.

But Mulgore is a very big place. Although I am going to give it a pre-emptive 8/10 for flowers (8/10) it could take a very long time to find them without help. So I decided to try and make some friends. I scanned the list of who was around, and immediately spotted someone called Pawnzor. Bzzz - I know! With a name like that, he just had to be clued up.

That didn’t go as well as I had hoped. Pawnzor had some schoolwork to do so he had to leave suddenly. There was no choice but to try again, so I talked to a man named Meatinjector. I was hoping he could “inject” some “meat” into my flower-seeking quest.

Sadly he wasn’t quite as talkative as I had expected. I guess he didn’t know where I could find some flowers and was too shy to admit it! But a good bee doesn’t back down when the going gets tough, so I redoubled my efforts. This time I decided to ask a man called Edgez.

What a result! Edgez was really helpful, and he told me lots of promising things. It turns out there’s actually a thing in the World of Warcraft called a “herbalist,” and it’s all about collecting flowers! I simply couldn’t have been happier, so I thanked Edgez and continued on my way with a new sense of purpose.

I’ll keep you up to date with how I get on! “Bee bee” for now!

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DO NOT TRADE WIT RACEOFBLOD HE IS A SCAMER, claimed general chat.

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Part 4 of the non-stop goldmine of investigative articles which violently force a large, illegal probe directly into every orifice of you, the glorious men and women of The Bruces.

“On the first day, God created the land. On the second, he flooded the seas. On the third day, the creator scattered forest across his landscape, and on the fourth he rose great mountains from the surface. On the fifth day, he populated his new world with creatures of every species and then, on the sixth day, he created man. On the seventh day, exhausted, he forgot all his keybindings and made Hoofios by mistake. It was pretty much downhill from there.” Genesis 1:6.

Hoofios
Huntard

Created in error by God himself, Hoofios is statistically the oldest member of the Bruces. Depending on your religious beliefs, that places him somewhere between 1,500 and 300,000 years old. He is mentioned more than 400 times in the Bible as the root cause of all sin and suffering, but, conversely, hailed as a prophet by Islam and worshipped by Hindus and Buddhists as a god. Scientologists, meanwhile, believe he is the Ninth Commander of the Supreme Army of Zordax and have been trying to kill him since they all went mental in the 50s. They fear he intends to capture and imprison them all then gnaw off their feet. Remarkably, they are correct.

Hoofios likes to escape the sheer magnitude of his existence by playing World of Warcraft. A keen fan of both PvE and PvP, he is frequently seen standing on small hills shooting people in the face while his trusty sidekick Bruce gnaws off their feet, as per the Zordaxian tradition. His friendly attitude and and willingness to help out a guild member in need is undermined only by the fact he plays when everyone else is in bed. The unstoppable armies of Zordax, as the Scientologists are well aware, do not require sleep.

Fun Fact: Hoofios once ate 19 raw eggs in a row. He was then forcibly ejected from Tesco.

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It’s true! There’s a real, proper, better-than-the-rest-of-us famous person in The Bruces!

Hats off to him for being so modest and not bragging about his tremendous success, but I found a CD of his on Amazon and there’s now way I can keep it from you guys.

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WOOOOAARGGH fans its PWNLOCK here to rawk u up wiv a fresh tale.

So i wASs jus grindin elemnetlds 4 2 get some money CASH FFS Noob n theres this alli warior n hes doin the same so hes liek killin mi mobs but n I no wat ur thinkin ur thinkin OMG PWNLOCK U DIDNT KIKLL HIM n yer well i wd have cause I HAET allis but today i dunno wat was up fr some reasn I was jus all all about peace n harmony i dunno I mus haev jus had my ritalin lol.

So anywa im like PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW DOT DOT DOT DOT DRAIN LIFE PEW fuckin PEW n thes elemntals r goin down liek bags of FUCKIN MOTHERFUCKIN SIHT n all of a suddn out of nowere this asshoel warroir’s like CHARGE SMACK SMACK n all big grin on his faec cause hes like YER IM BEATIN ON TEH PWNLOCK I GOTTA TELL MY MOM n teh thing is I had pulled liek ten mobs all wiv dots n so Im fitin like 25 things includin him but yeah whatev he dont no who hes fuckin wiv.

u got any idea who we was fuckin wiv? at all? yer thass right pwnlock fans it was THE PWNLOCK so I was liek DEATH COIL SHADOWBOLT SUMMON VOIDWALKER SACRIFICE VOIDWALKER FEAR CORRUPTION CURSE OF AGONY SIPHON LIFE IMMOLATE FEAR SHADOWBOLT SHADOWBOLT SEARING PAIN DRAIN LIFE DRAIN LIFE DRAIN SOUL /SPIT /SPIT /SPIT. n he fuckin rezd at the gy cause he nowd if i see him agen i r fuck him up so bad he cant walk 4 leik 10 yrs at laest lol.

n thats anotha tale of the PWNlocKKKK outin teh battelfield savin teh world.

Believ.

oh yer btw mi dots killd all the mobs so thta wa s fien.

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Part 3 in a theoretically endless series of painfully invasive internal examinations of you, the beautiful men and women of The Bruces.

“Moodok killed my husband, he killed my kids, he even killed my dog. Then he looked up my parents, my grandparents, my uncles, my aunts and my cousins, and killed them too. He went to my workplace and killed all my colleagues, then traced my old school and university buddies and teachers and killed them, and then he killed everyone I’ve ever spoken to, looked at, faxed or emailed. He’s ripped my life to shreds. But then again, he does have a huge penis.” - Morani, 2005.

Moodok
Dr00d

The result of an unholy pairing between a porn star and a lizard, Moodok spent the first 12 years of his life gestating inside an egg. When his egg phase was complete, he emerged as a fully formed, anatomically correct adult, but at a height of just 37cm - a size which he remains to this day. A scientific curio, he was formally adopted by the council of Sweden’s capital city, Skaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap, where he roamed the parks, feeding on chestnuts and charming businessmen at lunch with rude limericks.

Inside the World of Azeroth, Moodok likes to invest large amounts of cash exploring the intricacies of different game roles, from the solid and wily heights of the feral tree, to the selfless joys of restoration, to the exotic allure of the hunter. Despite this, he actually spends most of his life as a chicken, making him a feared figure on the battlefield with his deadly 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4 attack. His favourite foods are corn and mana potions and his hobby is dancing.

Fun Fact: Moodok is allergic to tectonic plates.

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Anyone remember Xisu? I think he might have been the first person I ever kicked. It had been coming for weeks but I had to get drunk to do it cause I thought it would break his heart. He did a bit too much spamming for help, he REALLY hated alliance, he had a great range of incomprehensible emoticons like :@ and 8:{ and he also said jeuuuuj a lot. I think he must be about 17 now.

Favourite memory: Zul Farrak. You know the bit where you can loot the graves and zombies appear from each one.

Redstripe: Don’t loot the graves btw.
Pixelsmith: Yeah, don’t loot the graves.

Xisu: OMG what is @ll thEse mobs ?!!!?
{Pixelsmith has died}
{Redstripe has died}
{Xisu has died}
Redstripe: Did you loot the graves?
Xisu: OMFG y didnt u say so??!! Jeuuuj I am so sorry.
Pixelsmith: It’s ok.
Xisu: But y didnt u say?!!! SORRY GUYS OMG :@ I never mess up again.

Anyhow, Xisu dramatically left this realm after being kicked from a different guild for ninjaing something. He asked me to report his name as offensive so he could change it and ditch his bad reputation, but it seemed a bit sketchy to me.

Turns out he’s making a name for himself on Khadgar as a guild leader!

Someone doesn’t like Xisu

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