A reply to this thread on the WoW forums.

It’s Saturday morning and Xiter and Lalmix are at Miguelz’ house. Miguelz’ mum and dad have just gone out shopping.

Miguelz: Hey guys, mom and dad have gone out. Let’s go have an adventure.
Xiter: Yeah dude lol!
Lalmix: W00t were we going?
Miguelz: Let’s go to the shops man. Get some biscuits!
Xiter: BISCUITS lol!
Miguelz: Yer biscuits lol. We gonna get some snax!! Pwntage!
Lalmix: Kewl. I’m in, inv plx.
Xiter: Inv lol!!
Miguelz: I’m leader kk?
Lalmix: Yer for invites but not for the adventure.
Xiter: Yer noobs. I’m leader. Rofl.
Lalmix: STFU Xiter.
Miguelz: Yer STFU Xiter, I’m leader.
Xiter: Sorry.
Lalmix: Gief leader Miguelz.
Miguelz: No wai! STFU and get your coats guys.
Lalmix: Whateva.
Xiter: Whateva lol.
Miguelz: OMFG where has mom put my gloves?! It’s like nearly snowing.

10 minutes later.

Miguelz: We’re nearly at the shops mates!
Lalmix: Let’s get ch4wkl0t digestives!
Miguelz: No wai dude we’re gettin custard creams!
Xiter: Custard lmao!
Lalmix: Tard were getting digestives.
Miguelz: WTF?
Lalmix: WTF urself!!
Miguelz: I’m gettin custard creams u can stfu.
Lalmix: Well I’m gettin digest…. WTF AMBUSH!!!!!!
Miguelz: ARGH!!!
Xiter: ARGH LOL!!!!

15 members of The Bruces fresh from the Nagrand Ring of Blood questline leap out from behind a wall and attack.
Miguelz, Lalmix and Xiter begin running from the graveyard.

Miguelz: LOL they need 30 ppl to kill us. Noob guild.
Lalmix’: Yer they need 48 ppl to kill us.
Xiter: Noobs lol.
Miguelz: Usually I’m like BANG BANG and w00t, free honor.
Lalmix: Yer, free honor. It’s really funny when they gief free honor.
Miguelz: I killed 10 of them once when I was afk.
Lalmix: Me too.
Miguelz: No wai, you can’t pwn that hard cause ur a mage. You haven’t harnessed the powahs of the shadows.
Lalmix: Yer I have.
Miguelz: SHUT UP ARTARD I’M LEADER.
Lalmix: Only for invs. And I have too harnessed the powahs of the shadows.
Miguelz: Like sheep?
Lalmix: FU.
Xiter: Lol.

The boys find their corpses and rez.

Miguelz: Rite. I’m gonna go post on the forums.
Lalmix: YEAH! Tell everyone they need 73 ppl to kill us.
Miguelz: I’m gonna say thx for the free honor.
Lalmix: Pwnage!! I’m gonna say it too. “Thx for the free honor,” lol.
Miguelz: Are you gonna do a “<3"?
Lalmix: Yer. It's sarcastic so they'll be extra pwned.
Xiter: What's "sarcastic?"
Miguelz: It's when you say something cool.
Lalmix: Yer. Like "<333333."
Miguelz: I don't even care about it. I'm gonna say things so they know I don't care. I'm like, gankage whateva, reroll PvE noobs it you can't take the heat.
Lalmix: ROFL! Reroll PvE!!! That's funny.
Xiter: REROLL PVE NOOBS!. Lol.
Miguelz: Bet they wish they didn't care like us.
Lalmix: Yer, we're like "whateva."
Miguelz: Rollin with tha punches.
Lalmix: Duckin an divin and pwnin cause we just don't care.
Xiter: Wave your hands in the air!
Lalmix: STFU.

10 minutes later.

Lalmix: Have you posted?
Miguelz: Yer. There’s no replies yet.
Lalmix: Do a refresh.
Miguelz: Yer, still nothing.

2 minutes later.

Lalmix: Have they replied?
Miguelz: Not yet. Hang on lemme refresh. No, still nothing.
Lalmix: Noob guild.

5 minutes later.

Lalmix: Have they replied?
Miguelz: I’m like clicking refresh every ten secs I’ll know when they reply FFS.
Lalmix: Don’t be so lame I’m juss askin.

30 minutes later.

Lalmix: They replied yet?
Miguelz: NO! FFS NO THEY HAVEN’T REPLIED YET. WHO’S LEADER??!!! ME!!!
Lalmix: ONLY FOR F*CKIN INVS NOT IRL FFS.
Xiter: Hey. Can I have a biscuit?
Miguelz: Oh $@^%!” I forgot.
Lalmix: Artard.
Miguelz: Noob.
Xiter: Lol. I love you guys!
Miguelz + Lalmix: STFU XITER!
Xiter: Sorry.

4 Comments

Honestly, it really is. Ugly and stupid and covered in warts. You need CARTOGRAPHER. It’s quite simply brilliant, and you don’t need to do anything apart from install it. Just get it, unzip it and it works.

Things it does:

- Shows where everyone in your guild is on the map, if they also have Cartographer.
- Ctrl-Right click to make a map note. Then share with party, guild, or set as a waypoint so an arrow appears on your screen.
- No unexplored areas, you can see it all.
- Remembers flight master locations.
- Instance maps.
- Co-ordinates.
- Zone info (levels, instances etc).
- Tracks herbs and minerals.

Things it doesn’t:

- Roast dinners.
- Cocktails.
- Oral sex.

Get it here.

8 Comments

A former GM has hosted a forum Q&A and it makes for interesting reading if, like all of us, you’re a massive geek.

Here’s the notaddicted.com news post on it.

Here’s the original thread.

6 Comments

Drummerhero in a raid as a healer or Drummerhero in a raid as a shadow priest? Hmm….

Baghdad, Iraq

Gunfire and explosions in background

Jones: SARGE! SARGE! It’s Johnny… he’s… he’s dead.
Sgt Barton: No. Jesus Christ no, not Johnny. What the fuck happened?
Jones: It was Drummer - he let the poor bastard bleed to death. That’s the third solider this week.
Sgt Barton: Holy shit Jones, that man is a goddam liability.
Jones: It was horrible Sarge. Johnny was lying there crying for his mom and that shit-for-nothing healer was just sitting in the corner of the fucking hospital looking at porn on the internet.
Sgt Barton: He’s the worst fucking medic I’ve ever seen.
Jones: I know Sarge.
Sgt Barton: DRUMMER! DRUMMER GET YOUR FUCKING ASS HERE NOW.

Drummerhero closes www.yiffstar.com and scurries over

Drummerhero: Hello sir. That’s a lovely hat.
Sgt Barton: I’ll lovely fucking hat you, you little bastard.
Drummerhero: Thank you sir.
Sgt Barton: I got one question for you Drummer. Why the FUCK did you apply for the medical corps?
Drummerhero: I didn’t sir.
Sgt Barton: WHAT?
Drummerhero: I’m dps sir. I’ve got 41 points in shadow.
Sgt Barton: Well fuck me backwards, does that mean you can’t fucking heal? I don’t know if you noticed, Drummer, but there’s a motherfucking war and we need all the medics we can get.
Drummerhero: Actually sir, I’d be a real asset on the battlefield. With Shadow Weaving and Vampiric Touch I can boost warlock damage and give mana back to the casters.
Sgt Barton: So you’re telling me you want to fight?
Drummerhero: Ooh, yes please sir.

Sgt Barton marches into his tent and returns with a boxful of grenades. He hands it to Drummerhero. Drummerhero plucks out a grenade and removes the pin.

Drummerhero: Thank you sir. I won’t let you down.
Sgt Barton: God help us all.

12 Comments

Really? What a coincidence, because this Saturday The Bruces want to sell* help in Nagrand.

You know all those annoying elite kill quests you need a group for, like Durn The Hungerer or Ban’thar the big clefthoof or Chogunface the ogre man or the elite space goat thing or that big fucking bird? Yeah, so do we. They’re around level 65-67 and four of them are the final parts of the Nessingwary quest lines. Stupid lousy stinking quests.

From 6pm ish on Saturday, people who need to do those quests will be uniting with people who can help them. If you want to volunteer to help or if you need to do those quests, be around on Saturday evening.

Yes.

*donate free of charge

5 Comments

Keyboards are crap. Shut up, it’s true. They’re really nice for typing, but when it comes to playing games like WoW with a bazillion buttons, they’re pants. You can reach W,A,S,D, then 1-4, maybe Q, E, R and F and, if you’re dexterous, Z, X and C. That’s 11 hotkeys. Ever played a Warlock? We shit spells for breakfast. Giving us just 11 easy-reach hotkeys is like cutting off a carpenter’s arms. We need more.

This is the answer.

It’s called the Belkin Nostromo N52 Speedpad. It looks pointless, and stupid, but Holy Mary Mother of Satan, it’s brilliant.

This is what it does.

Essentially it’s 1/3 of a keyboard. Put your hand in the W,A,S,D position and you can reach 14 buttons easily, and much more comfortably than a keyboard. Plus it also has a mousewheel, an orange panic button and a d-pad.

Any keyboard keys can be bound to anything on the Nostromo. Use the d-pad for movement, or bind Up, Down, Left and Right to Shift, Ctrl, Push to Talk and Dance. Whatever you like.

This is why it’s amazing.

Here’s the best bit. You can make any button on the Nostomo function as [SHIFT] (it’s very easy to configure this). Press that button in game, and ALL the other buttons become Shift modified. Hey presto, that’s 13 new actions. Then pick a key to be [ALT] and another to be [CTRL]. Fiddle with your ingame keybindings, and bingo, you’ve just bound 50 actions to your controller.

That’s 50 actions which take just two key presses to work. It takes a few days to get used to, but it’s simply incredible once you do.

Here’s how it can reduce your screen clutter.

Using the Bartender3 mod, I condensed my bank of 48 Warlock spells to just one little squarish bar. When I press Shift, Alt or Ctrl on the Nostromo, the onscreen icons change to match. It make my little nerd heart weep with joy. Here’s the result (the 4 X 3 bar at the bottom is the bit I’m on about).

Here’s a gushing summary.

The Nostromo is comfortable, it lets you programme timed macros, it’s approved by Blizzard (Blizz developers have posted on the US forums describing their Nostromo setup) and it’s only £20. In more than a year of playing WoW, this is the one thing I would recommend to other players above all else. Apart from joining The Bruces, of course.

If you have ever sat configuring you addons, mulling over your keybindings, or simply dying because the spell you need is one you have to click, this is perfect for you.

I don’t know if I’ve made it clear, but I really like this thing.

Read more Nostromo love here.

16 Comments

LIKE all great tales, the birth of the Worlock class has its foundations in a love story. Warcraft lore tells of a mighty and respected caster, Stevesmage, who fell deeply in love with a beautiful Holy Preist called Susantwo. The pair embarked on a whirlwind romance, and for three intense months their passion was the talk of Azeroth.

But then disaster struck. One foolish Friday night, Susantwo invited Stevesmage for a moonlit walk on the beach to tell him a secret. Flush with love but wracked by guilt, she turned to him on the sand and whispered in his ear to tell him a terrible secret. She was only 14 years old IRL.

And also male.

Stevesmage snapped. With a flick of his fingers, he transformed his lover into a sheep and, as she waddled to and fro bleating, he summoned a mighty ball of fire and thrust it into her. Susantwo burned momentarily before falling over and exploding in a flurry of burnt wool and guts. Stevesmage dropped to his knees, weeping. He would be a mockery when the world found out. Furrowing his venerable brow, he wiped his eyes and and conjured a portal.

He knew Stormwind Library like the back of his hand, so it took him just two minutes to find the doorway to the Forbidden Section. He paused, assessing the gravity of what he was about to do. But he had no choice, and he blinked inside.

—-

The following morning, Stevesmage was gone. The once pure wizard, this respected and honoured caster, had absorbed knowledge of curses, of demons, of stolen souls and shadows and the darkness at the end of the rainbow. All that was left was a blackened, emaciated shell. His muscles had rotted, his innards ached and he could hardly see, but his mind… his mind throbbed with power.

He summoned forth a rock demon to break through the walls of the library and stood, surveying the chaos, as the creature thundered onto the streets of Stormwind. He one-shotted a passing orphan and grinned wickedly as he sucked out the infant’s soul. In the course of a single night, the great Stevesmage had possessed, and been possessed by, the secrets of the nether. He would be no laughing stock. There would be no mockery.

There would be only Fear.

4 Comments

But I can’t post the picture here for some kind of technical reason.

Click on this insteads!!

5 Comments

They’re big, they’re clever, and they want to be your special friend!

Dr00ds - Davedodger

Huntards - Juzba

Mags - Morani

Palodins - Viscomte (formerly known as Merciless)

Preists - Drummerhero and Rugal COMBINED!

Rouges - Zephyrus (formerly known as Theta)

Shamanans - Scarlagh (aka Alurein/Evianne)

Worlocks - Milkman (aka Milkette/Milkdrop)

Wariors - Jerrick (yes he’s a hunter, but once he was mighty warrior Bucky)

No Comments

Merry Christmas. Happy Easter. Sincerest Wishes of the Crab Lord. These are just three of the seasonal greetings you’ll hear this year - and now there’s a new one to add to the list: International Yoda Day.

The Bruces have declared February 4 - that’s this Sunday, day fans - as the day in which millions across the world will join hands and celebrate a very special small green man. He tutored Luke Skywalker in the ways of The Force, he helped to kill the evil Count Dooku and he did a trick where he lifted an X-Wing out of a swamp using his mind.

That’s right, we’re talking about Yoda. And we’re going to say a big thank you to him for his galaxy-saving efforts by speaking like him for an entire day. This Sunday, all speech in guild chat must be done in his style.

Here’s some examples of how to speak like Yoda:

“Ding, I have.”

“[Glowing Staff of Embers] a dangerous weapon is. Win it on a greed roll, I did.”

“The Underbog purged shall be. A tank and healer we need. Yes!”

Have fun! And don’t forget, all non-Yoda speech will be punishable by death

5 Comments