“I may not accept what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it” - Shania Twain, 1998.

The right to say what one wants without fear of censorship or reprisal is one of the cornerstones of democracy. When freedom of speech breaks down, when the outspoken are silenced and information becomes sanctioned, the destruction of fair and just society is scarcely far behind.

We at The Bruces must hold our hands up. For we are not entirely innocent. In a misguided attempt to shield our members from the horrors of war, we began a programme of censorship. We thought it was for your own good - but we were wrong.

It started with the word “alliance”. Through the phpbb filtering system, we purged our glorious forums of all references to our mortal enemies, and replaced each occurrence of that word with the word “scum.” But it didn’t end there. Next on the agenda was “cunt”, the worst swear word in the English language. To prevent certain delicate sensibilities from being offended, that too was censored, to “carrot”.

It was a step too far. Before long, the forums erupted, outraged Bruces teetering on the brink of mutiny at the realisation their liberties had been trampled upon.

We can only apologise. We are no better than Nazis, or Communists, or the French. We hereby pledge to never again censor the speech of our members.

Except when we feel like it. We feel like it at the moment, so we’ve censored the word “the”. All uses of “the” will now read “the motherfucking”, until it stops being funny.

13 Comments

I’m afraid it’s true, Pixelsmith, the once loved and praised leader of the almighty Bruces is a traitor. He’s been extremely crafty and done a great job covering his arse but I knew something just didn’t fit. Years of hunting for clues just left me with dead ends, but after careful examination of the latest in his highly acclaimed series of “elite guides” I have finally found the solid evidence I needed to expose him.

I present to the Bruces, “Pixelsmith’s Elite guide to Warsong Gulch.”

“Warsong Gulch is the site of a never ending battle between Alliance and Horde. As in real wars, each side has to steal the other side’s flag without having their own flag stolen. Once they have done it ten times they are declared the best.

The game starts with everyone running out of the flag room, climbing onto their horse or chicken and heading for the opposing faction’s base. At least half must dismount midfield and remain there for the duration of the battle.

Once the remaining players have stolen the flag, they will run back to their own base while their opponents complete the same manoeuvre. The opposing flag carriers must then hide on the roof until this happens in chat:”

There you have it, as clear as one of those really long pisses when you’ve been in the pub all afternoon and had eight pints of Carling, Pixelsmith hearts alIiance*. I declare that this “elite guide” is a farce, a web of lies construed to make us hordies lose the battles for the Gulch in the face of a bunch of faggot nightelves and stupid little bastard wanker gnomes.

Fuck you Pixelsmith, fuck you right in the fucking face.

*See, I even have to write “AlIiance” in a retarded way as he’s tried to prevent exposure of  this information.

7 Comments

WARSONG GULCH

Warsong Gulch is the site of a never ending battle between Alliance and Horde. As in real wars, each side has to steal the other side’s flag without having their own flag stolen. Once they have done it ten times they are declared the best.

The game starts with everyone running out of the flag room, climbing onto their horse or chicken and heading for the opposing faction’s base. At least half must dismount midfield and remain there for the duration of the battle.

Once the remaining players have stolen the flag, they will run back to their own base while their opponents complete the same manoeuvre. The opposing flag carriers must then hide on the roof until this happens in chat:

Were is our flag
has anyone seen r flag?
stop farming honor in middle
FC is pally we will never kil i8t
ITS ON ROOF. FFS NOOBS ATTACK TOGETHR OR WE LOOSE
were is falg???
jus let them win

After ten minutes of this, both flag carriers will be killed by a rouge. The cycle then repeats.

CLASSES
All classes have a use in WSG, but the most important ones are:

Worlock - this is the best class for everything. Have at least 8 Worlocks. They should all have their voidwalkers out because they are the hardest demons to kill.

Dr00d - Dr00ds can heal the Worlocks.

Preists - Preists can also heal the Worlocks.

Shamanans - see above.

Palodins - see above.

It is also helpful to have a Rouge for damage meter reports.

RULES

No smoking.

No biting.

No eye gouging.

Eating your flag will get you banned.

Sex must be consenting.

Worlocks must be healed.

Honor from killing someone is worth TEN TIMES the honor for winning the game.

At least two players must be afk at all times or any victory is void.

TOP TIPS

Get the flag and run back to your base to cap it. Try and do this repeatedly.

If all players from the opposing faction are from the same server, this indicates a “premade.” Type /afk and go make a sandwich.

If you are losing, be sure your teammates know they are wasting your time by telling them in raid chat.

Good hiding places are: the roof, behind a tree and Arathi Basin.

Heal Worlocks to win the game.

Don’t forget to have fun!

Thank you for reading my Elite Guide to Warsong Gulch. Hopefully one day I will meet you on the battlefield and you will /afk.

14 Comments

Proposed for Wednesday night, 10pm, STV.

Both contestants enter the Gruburashubaibi Arena and stand with their backs (and cameras) turned away from the opponent at a range of 30 yards, at which time they equip their mightiest yiffing attire. After twenty seconds Vario will release a single white dove into the air to commence the start of the duel and, to aurally confirm, Brodos and I shall shout “EXCELLENT” and play air guitar ala the Wild Stalynz from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (and Bogus Journey).

Incidentally I will also be the referee and declare succesful points and make the final decision on any disputes.

At this point the duel begins and the two opponents may turn to face each other (I will note that if a combatant turns too slowly and is yiffed from behind the yiffer is awarded a point and it is considered a successful yiff). Points are awarded for valid penetration of the opponent by any body part, as long as an adequate yiffing sound is made upon contact (adequate being over 50 decibels and lasting at least 1.5 seconds as described in the NYA* guidelines).

Once a point is scored both duelists return to their original starting positions and the next round is signalled by Theta throwing a potato into the ring and proclaiming “tirty tree” (thirty three). Note that duelists need not turn their backs after the first round, as the surprise of the opponent’s most admirable yiffing attire has since faded.

The first person to score 3 successful yiffs is declared the victor and the loser must adhere to any terms agreed before the bout. In the result of a tie via a “double yiff” there will be a brief interval period where all the girls dance around in the arena wearing very little. The duelists will not watch this as they are already at a heightened sexual state and must conserve their urges for the next and final “sudden death” round, wherein both duelists are blindfolded and must score the final yiff of the match to be crowned the winner.

Milkman will hold the valuables box as no jewelery or watches are permitted to be worn during the match. These can be claimed afterwards but it is recommended all articles are put in a small plastic bag with your name written on and then placed in the box as to prevent confusion and arguments over said articles.

*National Yiffing Association

5 Comments

Honestly, we’ll shoot you in your face with an actual gun - as used by the US military - if you don’t install this addon. If you turn up at Karazhan without it, we’ll make you close WoW, get the addon, install it and then rejoin. No more Mr Nice Bruces! We mean business.

BUT WHAT IS IT?

It’s called KLH Threat Meter. It puts a little box on your screen telling you how much aggro everyone is doing. Noprmally aggro meters are in your head. KLH provides proper visual bars, preventing DPSers from pulling aggro off the tank, telling healers when to try and go easy and generally stopping everybody from having a big old die.

If you don’t have it, your threat bar doesn’t show up on other people’s screen. So it’s useless unless everyone in the group has it. We always meant to get it during our raiding days but could never be arsed to enforce it. All that’s changed with the new hardass TBC Bruces.

Get it here. Right this very minute. The continued existence of your face depends on it.

5 Comments

It has come to our attention that certain elements of the guild are spreading anti-Troll propaganda, in an attempt to turn popular opinion against the race. This campaign has included, but is not limited to:

- Verbal abuse
- Threats of violence
- Racist leaflets
- Cake stall, tombola and bric a brac
- Rape

The Bruces would like to make it ABSOLUTELY clear that this will not be tolerated. We are deeply and fundamentally opposed to prejudice in all forms. Trolls are people too.

18 Comments