Dear Rugal,
I am currently residing on a LAN, and I picked a spot next to the open window, it’s great because I don’t get overheated but when it starts to rain it’s really a bitch! Help me Rugal, how shall I avoid rain but still not get overheated? I’m depending on you!

Moxto.

Dear Moxto,
This is actually very simple.

The black circles are pulleys, I feel the rest does not need explaining. Good luck!

Rugal.

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In a new series of Advanced Guides, elite World of Warcraft player Pixelsmith tells you everything you always wanted to know about your favourite character classes, but were too stupid to have worked out yourself.

Huntard

The Huntard is the World of Warcraft’s master of ranged damage. It uses a gun or a bow and arrows to kill things far away, and if an enemy gets close it uses a weapon stolen from a different class. It’s important for the huntard to not get in too close because its damage is awful. Hunters can wear leather clothes but when they hit lv40 they can upgrade to wooden clothes, which have more protection against melee damage and are also vegetarian.

The most important thing about the Huntard is that it has a pet. This is an irritating animal that the huntard has trained from the wild. There are more than one million different animals on Azeroth that the Huntard can befriend, and each has its own unique abilities such as “run” and “hit.” The most popular type of Huntard pet is a cat, followed next by a dog and then a goldfish. The Huntard must give its pet a stupid name.

Huntards have a health bar and a mana bar. The health bar is used for dying but the mana bar has no function, a little like the human appendix. It is a leftover from the Beta stage of development when the Huntard used mana. Blizzard cannot remove the bar because of a game breaking bug which would cause all rats to become invincible.

The Huntard has three talent trees called Animal, Shooting and Miscellaneous. The Animal tree has a number of skills which buff your pet’s Run or Hit powers, including one which makes it glow bright pink. The Shooting tree is the best, since it makes the Huntard better at shooting. Put at least 35 points into the Shooting tree. The Miscellaneous tree has a range of talents designed to make the Huntard more annoying to fight, plus a number of “placebo” talents which do nothing.

Tricks of the trade - the tactics that will help you become the greatest WoW player.

(1) Always try to do damage from far away. If an enemy runs at you so you can’t shoot, back away while facing them directly and flail your melee weapon.
(2) It is considered honourable to dismiss your pet before entering a battleground.
(3) All good Huntard builds are based around the Aimed Shot talent. This is a very powerful ranged attack which charges up for four minutes then one-shots the entire server.
(4) Your pet is your best friend. Remember to give it food, sex and water or it will die.
(5) If an item drops when you are in a group, roll Need.

Thank you for reading my Elite Guide to Huntards. Hopefully one day I will see you on the battlefield and you will kill me with what you have learned.

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DO NOT TRADE WIT RACEOFBLOD HE IS A SCAMER, claimed general chat.

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We used to have a different site. Foolishly, we entrusted its creation and upkeep to a manic depressive sociopath. With hindsight that may have been an error, but hey, at least the guy felt like he had friends for a few months. It must have been an exciting new experience.

When Warsaw inevitably went mental and started thinking he was Jesus, we upped sticks and moved to this glamourous new site - crafted by the fine hands of Zephyrus, Marfu and Cosmos. As a result of the jump, we’ve got a bundle of old news posts that quite a few people won’t have seen. So we’re going to repost some of them, because it’s quite literally better than nothing.

We’ve also enlisted the help of French Enlightenment philosopher and historian, Voltaire (1694–1778) to provide an insight ino the historical value of each piece.

Here’s the first:

Paladin, Oh Paladin - a poem

Paladin, oh Paladin,
How I waste three hours
Trying to kill you even once.
You fucking bastard.

Voltaire says: “This poem gives a rare insight into the World of Warcraft as it existed more than six months ago, before The Burning Crusade. With the class restricted to Alliance players only, Paladins found themselves on the receiving end of much animosity from the Horde, which had known them only as enemies. Many argue the hatred was justified by the fact that Paladins are a bunch of bubbling cunts. Those people are correct.”

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Hi! I’m Barry the Bee and welcome to my World of Warcraft blog.

Today I got to level 16. It was a very exciting time for my warrior, Barrythebee, as it gave him access to all sorts of new skills. My favourite one is still “hit,” though, as I find I use this the most often.

I have been spending a lot of time in The Barrens lately. There aren’t a lot of plants and flowers around because it is a desert, but I was delighted to find a couple of areas which did have some vegetation. There was some green and a few trees, and also a lake, at each of these places. I tried to have a better look at some of the flowers to see how nice they were, but I kept being attacked by horse people.

All in all I would give these areas a five out of ten for flowers.

5/10

I would like to get a closer look sometime though, and who knows, maybe that rating will go up!

That’s all for the moment, but join me next time for more World of Warcraft action!

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Evil genius Vario has shone his strange Polish torch on the wowwiki community’s speculation
on the future of Warcraft expansions.

All the ideas seem a bit RP lol though. We’d much rather see something like this:

World of Warcraft: Vacation - where you get to take your guild to a nice resort for the summer and get pissed on ouzo and ride on banana boats.

World of Warcraft - Unleashed, where you can bust into other online games like FIFA then run round dotting Real Madrid to death.

World of Warcraft: Allied Assault - WW2 reimagined with dwarves, hot elves and cattle. Hitler would be a gnome, the midget fuck.

World of Warcraft 80s (with microphone) - a new Outland-style expansion in which the battle between Horde and Alliance spills over into 1980s California. Featuring car jacking and karaoke minigames.

Any more ideas?

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A handful of Bruces will soon gather in Brighton for a geek bonding session. It was suggested by Aakarp that some could stay at a bed and breakfast establishment known as Court Craven, whose apparent cleanliness and reasonable room rates held great appeal. But the Court holds some dark secrets. Rugal, who lives mere miles from its eerie doors, dug up this fearsome piece of history in a bid to warn us of its dangers.

Gather round children.

Legend has it that in 1972, the BBC commissioned a news programme aimed at children, to be hosted by John Craven and called “John Craven’s Newsround.”
Everything was great, so great in fact that even though “John Craven’s Newsround” was first going to only be shown for 6 weeks with 2 programmes of 10 minutes each week, it proved so successful it was soon shown every day.
In 1986, John became editor as well as presenter. This huge promotion garnered Craven even more wealth and respect and allowed him to purchase a guest house in Brighton on England’s south coast. He named the guest house “Court Craven”.

*spooky sounds*

However all was not well, and in 1989, after 17 years, John presented his final show and the show carried on without the “John Craven’s” in it’s title.
This pushed Craven over the edge. Newsround was John’s life and without it he questioned not just his own existence, but the existence of every guest to enter Court Craven. In particular, girls. From Sweden. He really hated them.
Anyway, after the brutal disembowling of fourteen Swedish girls at Court Craven since 1989, John now presents the BBC TV show “Countryfile” on Sunday mornings, which looks at rural and environmental issues.

It is said though, that late in the night, you can still hear John wandering the halls of Court Craven, whispering only one word, over and over again…

“Swe…?”

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