Over to Drummerhero, God of Being a Bastard:

… And so the stage was set for the young bastard horde warrior Kairne to make his return to the bruces. All that stood in his way were 10 lonely alliance and 90 minutes of misery and pain…. there would be no 1/2 time, there would be no substitutes, and there would definitely not be any footballers wives or paycheques that they seem to follow with so much grace and elegance, this would be WAR!

I the God of bastards set the seemingly impossible task of prolonging a WULCH for 90 minutes or above, harvesting honour kills as though they were carrots on the farms of AB or in the mouths of Bruces. Kairne was allowed to take an expertise team of 6 bruce’s to aid him with this challenge, I had to be one of them, here is our story.

Day 1
First few tries were failures.
Our final try of the evening saw us go down 1 - 0 almost immediately, we were severely understaffed with only 4 Bruces (i cant remember names) and believe it or not, NO randoms. we decided to make the break we needed, Kairne got the flag and fled to our rooftops. We healbotted and killed like no tomorrow until we had a team and things started to look promising. 45 minutes had gone, the abuse flooded in. It was getting late and this would definitely be the last try, we had to do it! 50 minutes and god forbid, our ” random team mates” were getting pissy, they decided that the easiest way out of this was to lead the alliance to us and not fight at all. Alas we died, alliance capped the flag and we never recovered.

We were battered and bruised and simply out of courage. No one slept a wink that night, thinking about what could and should have been. Next time eh?

Day 2
No battles today Kairne was a cunt and didnt log on when i said so.

Day 3
No bruces were around to help, we got owned.

Day 4
Today would surely be it. We assembled the full 6 bruces to aid Kairne. myself, Mini K, ayakashi, Jijet, Evilmurk and Wrists stepped up, this was a huge healing team relying on myself Kairne and Jijet to batter back the onslaught. We got the flag, and, upon noticing we were against a group of crappys battled mid arena for about 1/2 an hour to the dismay and annoyance of the randoms. Eventually we had to retreat back to the roof and once again Kairne got bullied by the randoms. They werent happy to say the least. “CAP FALG FFS NOOB” they kept chanting… fucking cults nowadays eh, didnt they realise we were doing them a favour. we were helping them farm the honour kills they so desired and needed for that all important status that they crave. 1 hour gone, onslaught after onslaught and we kept battering back, then shock of horrors, we lost the flag. fortunately for us, our trusty random team mates were on hand to pick up the flag and cap it for us.
this angered me… here we are TRYING to lose a Wulch and it just aint happening, we cant lose! i put my boots on and ran for the new flag, brought it back to the base where i handed it over to Kairne amid cries of “CAP CAP CAP” which slowly turned to “YOU FUCKING NOOB, WHY YOU GIV HIM FALG HE ARE SPACK!” Kairne stuck to his guns/axe and held onto the flag for the remainder of the time. 90 minutes were up and we felt relieved and happy to say the least… Brodos and Thoros joined us in the place of the randoms and we enjoyed beating the alliance into submission. i have never seen an alliance team crumble this much. We were all sat in the GY waiting for the alliance to pop up, to which we bashed them back down. They just sat there and took it like the woman in Pixels cupboard. Anyway, after a while we got bored and Kairne capped the last two flags. We won, and Kairne has completed his final challenge.

Congratulations Kairne.

http://img128.imageshack.us/my.php?image=turtle13yz9.jpg

7 Comments

Over to Vario, God of Trousers:

Cocks were found.
They cannot be found anywhere as some may think.
Cock is a limited good in our universe.

After spending millennia’s waiting for Kairne’s response,
Images were finally provided.
I’ll discuss it for your pleasure and further justify of my judgement.

Cock #1 - Cut in the middle
Yes I see, what you see mortal and I refuse the image, that’s sick!

http://img126.imageshack.us/my.php?image=trial1aazz6.jpg

>> Refused

Cock #2 - Carrot in the nest

http://img126.imageshack.us/my.php?image=trial1acy0.jpg

I was shocked with this image. Bad taste in my mouth. This is the kind of stuff they serve to 12+? But you know I’m old school.
Size, width, shape, background are more than proper, maybe too proper. Let other gods save the poor kids.
Where is the world going to?

>> More than accepted

Cock #3 - Headless Horseman, Oh please! I’m already sick with this shit!

http://img215.imageshack.us/my.php?image=trial1bip9.jpg

Don’t cut it, just wash it - regularly!

>> Refused

Cock #4 - Proper shape, uncut, in rather usual state,

http://img405.imageshack.us/my.php?image=trialcpm0.jpg

As seen most of the lifetime. Flat, flexible and skinful. Can’t be translated to the mortals without the foreskin. Sorry!

>> Fucking yeah, accepted!!

Cock #5 - Don’t cry.

http://img468.imageshack.us/my.php?image=fallos1ch4.jpg

This one is funny small but you share this size with 99% of other human male mortals on the planet.
Only gods and a select few can enjoy and be happy with sizes worth any attention…

>> Approved, why not, I don’t want to make you depressed, this is actually alright!

Totally:
3/5 (You made it!)

You’ll get some extra price from me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_zMU2tX5n8

Go now, do good job for Bruces my child and rememeber your next reunite will end with arse trial.

God of trousers,

X
……………

4 Comments