In 1974, Prince Chandra Bartholomew of India fell in love with a servant girl named Lita. The pair embarked upon an intense and passionate love affair away from the public eye, but after just three months Lita fell pregnant. Anxious to protect his family from scandal, the prince ordered his beloved into exile. She fled into the mountains, her only possessions the clothes on her back and her only solace a broken heart and the promise of a child.

For seven months Lita subsisted on scavenged meat and determination, until, on Christmas Day, the baby came. Frail and wizened, her body traumatised, she gave birth then finally conceded defeat to the cold, clutching tightly to the infant in her arms as her breath began to fail. And she wept as she died - for the boy was a monster.

Three weeks passed. Lita had begun to decompose and her nameless son lay dead beside her. But something lived. What the weak servant girl had believed to be deformity was something more unsettling still. It was the child’s twin, fused to the side of its head, a mass of scabbed flesh with one solitary eye and a mouth like a gaping wound. It blinked and it wheezed and, in the darkness, it fed on its brother.

It was almost Spring when Professor Faizal Singh discovered the bodies. An expert in robotics, his controversial experiments on criminals had forced him to conduct his strange science in secret. When he set out that morning for a trek across the mountains, he could never have expected the sight that would greet him.

The eye met his gaze and blinked. Professor Singh shivered, a deep jolt of revulsion coursing down his spine before he picked up the young corpse and placed it into his knapsack.

Back at his laboratory, the scientist separated the mutant from the rotting cadaver of its twin. His work had anaesthetised his mind to human pain, but as this thing contorted its misshapen mouth in agony, he felt nothing but dread. And all the while it watched him, its lone eye blinking.

It was another five months before the creature could survive without life support, and six months again before he considered it strong enough to carry out his plan. For, crafting day and night in his workshop, Professor Singh had been creating a torso and limbs of pure steel. Towering at three metres tall, this robotic behemoth would give an incredible gift to the fierce little monster which had so far known only suffering. It would give him a body, make him almost human.

The Professor carefully placed the mutant within its metal cradle. He tried to ignore the eye gazing into his as he stitched wires underneath its skin, linking whatever kind of brain it had with the CPU of the robot.

Blink. Blink. Blink. It was finished. He stepped back to the wall, threw the switch, and up it rose.

A huge metal hand encased the Professor’s skull. The eye fixed his and the ugly mouth curled into an approximation of a smile, then the hand closed with a sickening pop and Singh dropped, decapitated, to the floor.

The deafening roar of steel on stone filled the laboratory as it was torn to pieces. Decades of work smashed by fearsome metallic hands then silence, followed by slow, crunching footsteps and the sound of a wooden wall shattering as the monster stepped at long last into the daylight and looked towards the valley below.

He would have his revenge. He would claim his throne. Milkman blinked his eye and lurched forward.

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“All player models were re-built in 2.4 to increase preformance. This resulted in slight change to the geometry of the female human face. It was decided that this was an acceptable change. If you feel strongly that it should be changed, I highly suggest posting in the general or suggestions forums about it.”

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By bigbeebis

World of Warcraft - worst MMORPG game ever made!

PLEASE FOR THOSE WoW ADDICTIVE - PLEASE DON’T READ!!!

First, about 3 years ago, when I bought thegame and installed I liked. For that time graphics were acceptable, but not good!
I got bored after first few hours, plus there were fine - 40 bucks for a month.Somehow I started to hate it.
WITH EVERY NEW EXPANSION IT GOT UGLIER!!! Blizzard didn’t even TRY to upgrade graphics! I started to vomit every time I turned it on.
I don’t even think Blizzard is earning anything because of private servers.

Game really suck and Blizzard really check torrents - they should find many illegal downloadable copies of Burning Cruisade and WoW.

Rating: 1.5/10

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When facial hair is good, it’s very good. ZZ Top, Santa Claus and Tom Selleck would be half the men they are without the glorious expanse of fluff surrounding their chops. A proper beard or moustache is worth a hundred firm handshakes. Here is a man, it says, in whom you can trust.

Blizzard’s art director Samwise Didier does not have a good beard. It tumbles off his chin like an old nun’s muff, then retreats to coat his neck and the sides of his head, meeting the rest of his hair to create a seamless furry oval border for his whole face. It’s not right.

That said, he’s quite good at drawing. Eurogamer.net has given him a three page interview, revealing amazing facts like:

He worked on Rock n Roll Racing
He’s got a stupid beard
Horde are like Zangief in Street Fighter 2

Go read it here or have a look at his artwork over here.

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We all know firsthand that levelling from 1-70 is a hell of a grind, taking weeks of killing, botting, questing, bought powerlevelling, instancing, speed hacking, collecting 10 bear arses, account sharing and more killing.

What if someone had a secret, a secret that let you get to level 70 without going to Ferelas, speaking to a goblin, retreiving his lost crate of fuck-knows-what from his mate in the Hinterlands, taking it back to the original goblin only for him to open it up and ask you to take the contents back to his friend, all for 20 silver and some +strength cloth gloves?

What if I told you that you could do it in 1 day 4 hours 28 minutes and 45 seconds?

Athene: The Best Paladin In The World has the secret, and it’s really quite simple.

Which are you, a pro or a noob?

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Patch 2.4 will bring many changes. Highlights so far include raising the level cap to 75, the introduction of the long-awaited Death Bishop class, the closure of all 25 man instances and the total deletion of resto druids from the game and its lore. But that’s not all. Patch 2.4 is also set to bring about the complete destruction of all known addons, from the essential (DGKS) to the frivolous (Virtuagirl) to the outright annoying (Fox News Feed).

But fret ye not. In a desperate bid to attain global domination, WoWinterface.com has set up a Patch Survival page, with links to mods, alternate download sites and an apparent commitment to monitor the update progress of the most popular addons 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for all eternity (or until the majority of them work, whichever comes first). Go have a look at it here if you’re starting to panic.

Alternatively, start using Ace2 mods and the WoWace downloader, which does everything for your automatically. Scientific tests have demonstrated it to be 7,455 times better than anything else.

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You Raise Me Up. Flying Without Wings. Uptown Girl. Mandy. Unbreakable. It’s incredible to think that these milestones in musical history, and many more, are the work of just one group: Shane, Gavin, Bob, Brian and Skippy, otherwise known as Westlife. With an amazing 14 UK number one singles and more than 40 million record sales worldwide, these four/five Irish heartthrobs are a true marvel of pop.

Yet despite their beloved places in the bosums of fifty-something mothers everywhere, Westlife are not afraid of progress. Their latest tour, dubbed West of Warcraft, sees them performing a series of stadium style gigs across WoW’s European servers. The opening show took place yesterday on Khadgar, to a rapturous reception. Here’s how the closing song, the rousing You Raise Me Up, went down with the Horde cities.

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“Ya know, yall some bitches. Go slang crack and get a cadillac and tote twos boi. You dont even nah mean, son so suck my e-kawk, get off of video games, and snort heroine. Die, son, die,” writes a commenter on Not Addicted’s recent rant about the horribleness of Warhammer Online’s beta. He, she or most probably it, is lurking about halfway down this page.

It continues: “Leet i r, you will never defeat me at life. I didnt even look at any of the letters involved in your paragraphs of senseless ranting about stupid video games and bullshit. Isobelle. You are some busted ass hoe trick mark bitch that looks like Ru Paul and Boy George mixed together. Please dont write these long ass reviews. Where are you gonna be 10 years down the road from now? Probably lesbianated (thats not a word, but your life is a mistake anyways so it doesnt matter) with some fat ugly chick with a nose ring and a pierced labrae you ugly skank fucking whore piece of trash.”

We don’t know what any of these means. But we’re glad we live in a world where everybody has an outlet for their views. On a side note, it turns out Warhammer Online’s a fat crock of shit. Who’da thunk it?

Good spot by Mo, who also linked the follow up.

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Mounts are a sore point. Back in the Zul’Gurub days, there came a point some two months into our campaign at which the only bosses left were double hard bastards hewn from purest rock. They had some tasty purples tucked up their trollish skirts, but they weren’t planning on giving them to us anytime soon, so the raid essentially became a Groundhog Day style exercise in headbutting a brick wall, with the scant consolation being the item drops we’d seen tens of times already. As my love for PvE withered, two things kept me strong. One was the sincere knowledge that one day, one blissful morning under a beautiful pale blue sky, sweet sweet death would penetrate through the birdsong and take all the pain away. The other was the chance of riding around on a tiger.

As it happened, I just stopped raiding and our true raid champion - the ocean of contagious calm that is Morani the Mage - took up the torch and ran headlong into the brick wall. But the tiger boss never did drop the tiger mount, and so now I run around on a horse with its head on fire. That can’t be healthy.

There’s a new temptation, however, in the form of the Amani War Bear. Tragically, my crippling hatred of all things raidlike is so intense that my nervous system has developed a loud screaming reflex whenever my brain encounters talk of tactics and bosses, so the circumstances surrounding the acquisition of this glorious bear will tragically always remain a mystery to me.

Then again, I could just follow Kharmen the gnome’s example and shell out 20,000g for a guild to get it for her. It’s a bit spendy for those of us who are still flapping about on the airborne equivalent of a tractor, but then again, that is one fine looking furry horse.

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When did this happen? It doesn’t matter, it’s back and it’s slightly-more-legible than ever! Go there (here) and read it and be merry.

Not Addicted, for the unfamiliar, is a blog style MMO site with enough of a WoW bias to be regularly interesting. It made its name, in many heads at least, with tales of hilarious in-game pranks like holding onto the Wulch flag for as long as humanly possible and banging on about being a girl IRL. It lost its way, in many heads at least, with an growing trend towards long winded think pieces and meanderings about the writers’ lives, which passed the time but weren’t as funny. Then it died for months and months as a revamped site was promised, and now at long last it’s back again. What a happy thing that is.

Turns out it came back in late February, so that’s that question answered. The Bruces: less than one month late with the most important news.

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