The second and what will be final part of the joy of keywords @ Rollzero, and I hope you’ll agree this is one sequel better than the original.  As before, any terms in bold-italics are 100% real search terms someone has entered into Google then found Rollzero.

Last time we left Rollzero dispensing medical advice, and that was before we’d even considered heartburn after heavy drinking (that’ll be the sheep love-juice called Gaviscon you need) or what could possibly be the side effects from drinking too much lemonade.  Umm, you mean apart from belching?  Now I’ll admit I’m rushing this article because I want to get back to my erotic fight videogame but we must subtly move from medical to emotional advice…

Picture the scene; you’re having fun, playing a selection of board games.  You’re not great at them, but you’re joining in the fun.  Then, someone says, let’s play Connect 4!  “Great!” you exclaim, but your eyes paint a picture of fear.  You’ve never won at Connect 4.  Even the blind kid beat you that time.  You’ve lost the first game, quickly followed by the second.  It goes on, and on, oh the shame even the cat just beat you!  With the mocking still ringing in your ears you skulk off to your computer, and ponder… are you stupid if you can’t play connect four.  The answer of course, is yes.  Yes you are.  As our brave loser sits considering this, we wonder if he also takes time to look at his phone and realise that my nokia phone is awful.  Our user’s day isn’t going too well and indeed things now start to take a more sinister turn.  We can only hope these keywords are unconnected randomness from around the world, because someone then goes on to ask where to by blu-tac.   What’s wrong with that?  Nothing, until you consider someone entered blu tack related deaths.  A sinister plot is afoot!  These Connect 4 bullies won’t stand a chance against blu-tac!

Now as we leave this disturbed user we delve deeper into the underworld, and enter the realm of a complete and utter criminal genius!  I mean, Google knows everything, so surely it would know how to hide small bags of heroin at airport check-in.  The great thing about this hapless would-be criminal is that he went on to browse a lot of the site and spent ages looking around.  It’s good to know would-be drug smugglers still like to have a bit of a giggle too.  I think.

That about sums it all up.  I’ll leave you now as I work out what makes your ears go closer to your head.  So I guess maybe Prince Charles has read the site too.

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Long tail search is the term given in digital marketing to the longer more obscure sentences people type into Google in order to find very specific information. This can be a wonderful insight into the minds of people sat out there in front of their computers, and Rollzero’s statistics have some fantastically bizarre search terms that have led people to the site. All phrases in bold-italics are actual phrases people have typed in and found Rollzero from in the past month.

Rollzero – The Medical Advice Site

Well, if you’re having your tea you might want to read this bit later. There seems to be a lot of concern around that my wee smells of sugar puffs. Goodness only knows what is wrong with these people, or how pungent their piss must be to be able to smell and identify it. This wasn’t just one search, but around half a dozen people typing in similar phrases, and thinking about it, it’s a good job they’ve eaten sugar puffs to know what the smell is. Sugar puff wee seems to be a widespread problem because apparently coffee makes your wee smell likes sugarpuffs. I shouldn’t laugh, these people may be genuinely worried. It’s a bit embarrassing to go to the doctors and explain that your piss smells slightly off I suppose.

Continuing on the medical theme, one user asks the long term effects of gaviscon and one wonders what they thought when they read the Chad letter on the subject, let’s hope they realised it was a joke , or at the very least, live in a city a long way from any livestock. It would have been a really bad day for them if it was the same person enquiring about brylcreem. Is brylcreem good for you enquires one, followed by is brylcreem bad for you. I’m no medic, but I wouldn’t suggest you put it on your cornflakes. You’d think after the product being around for sometime its purpose would be clear, but one user asks how to use brylcreem. The most baffling term here though is brylcreem breaking hair. I assume the user in question has hair made of porcelain and they are just blaming it on the brylcreem.

There are plenty of weirder and wacky search terms that have led people to Rollzero, so this will be a two or three part series, stay tuned for more!

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The www.rollzero.com sponsored Bruce Handicapped Stakes took place at Kempton Park yesterday afternoon.  To catch up with the action, please click on the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS29AIl5gp8

What do you think about My Wife?  Do you think she should put up with The Milkman, and what do you make of His Impressive Weapon’s performance?

Enjoy!

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